November 2012 Facebook Farm Statuses

  • Off to look at a milking goat! I’m going to be ruthless and heartless in my negotiations. If she’s no good, then we’ll not buy her! If she’s not the right price, we’ll not buy her! If they won’t put their buck over her for us, we’ll not buy her! On a totally unrelated note, I think I’ll name her Tinkerbelle…
  • That awkward moment when you’re in your veggie patch at dusk, you turn around, and one of the owls you put there to scare off bird scares the living shit out of you. Unfortunately, nobody was around to see my super cool spinning ninja move, or hear my manly high-pitched squeal. Seriously, if that had been a real vampire, I would’ve owned that bitch.
  • On the go at 7am, farm work past 8pm, cooking dinner at 8:45. Roll on Monday so I can go to work for a rest. 🙂
  • SO freaking windy. We lost a huge branch off a giant gum and had a smaller tree snap in half. Most importantly, however, is the head is missing off of my scarecrow! He was creepy before, but now he’s downright disturbing. And every time I look out the window from my desk, there he is “looking” at me…
  • Okay, now I’ve found two things the pigs don’t like – celery and broad bean pods. It takes everything to stop Smoked from eating my stinky old volleys or steel-toed boots, but she turns her nose up at broad bean pods. Silly piglet…
  • Might be picking up two meat cows tomorrow morning. Don’t tell Linhda…
  • Today I discovered that cows eat a *lot*, and the fart and poop *huge*. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s revelation where I discover that pigs smell.
  • Today was a bad news/good news farm day. The bad news was that our post-hole digger wouldn’t start, and we needed to get the bulk of the pig runs done. That meant I was forced to go and buy a new one. The good news was that today I had the perfect excuse to go out and buy a new post-hole digger. And then I got to play with it all day. It was a great day.
  • The definition of irony: Being in such a hurry to get out and work on infrastructure so you can grow your own organic, healthy, <insert hippy reference here> food that you have a bit of cake and an energy drink for breakfast.
  • Considering buying more pigs. Maybe a future husband for my girls, but maybe a couple more too… I may have a problem.
  • We have four new piglets!!!! One of them is going to be our baby daddy, and the others are going to be chops, bacon, ham, sausages etc. It’s like The Hunger Games, only tastier.
  • Reading up on pig breeding, like you do, when I run across the following hints for a successful session:
    • Do not hurry the boar, let him work in his own time.
    • Talk gently to the boar.
    • Do not force the boar to mount the sow, but direct him gently to the rear of the sow.
    • By adjusting the female’s tail, attempt to let the boar insert himself.

Basically, I’m supposed to guide two 300kg animals gently in their love making. I might try candle light and mood music… I’ve alternated between feeling dirty and laughing as I picture all of this. Either way, it will certainly be interesting.

  • I have a couple of nice-sized cauliflowers that are a little yellow and hard, and I’m not sure if they’re okay or maybe need some extra water or something. I turned to google for the answer, which is pretty much standard for every single thing I do, and so searched on “cauliflower yellow and hard”. The first four returns were about veggies, and then I started getting links to sites about genital warts. /shudder
The babies *adore* Bruce, but he likes to play hard-to-get.

The babies *adore* Bruce, but he likes to play hard-to-get.

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